Album Reviews I Wrote As A Teenager: Pavement's "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain"

In which 16-year-old me attempts to grapple with this "weird" indie classic

When I was 15, I started writing a biweekly column for my local newspaper, the Appleton Post-Crescent. Most of the time, I wrote album reviews. I saved many of them in a blue binder I now keep in my office. I am now sharing them with you. Here is my review of Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement, from June 29, 1994, published when I was 16 (with occasional commentary by present-day me.)

One thing is for sure about Pavement’s new album: It is definitely not your typical rock ‘n’ roll record. The music is different, and Pavement sounds like no other band. In other words, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain is kind of weird.

[Incredible lede. It sounds like I’m writing about Trout Mask Replica or something. Is this the first indie rock album I ever heard? No way that was the case but I’m learning by revisiting these reviews that I don’t know my younger self at all.]

When I say weird, I don’t mean to imply that Pavement aspires to the deliberate silliness of They Might Be Giants or the genre-blending idiosyncrasies of Primus.

[Just to reiterate: 16-year-old me IS NOT comparing Pavement to They Might Be Giants or Primus.]

It’s just that their sound is hard to describe. While they are not a mainstream band, their melodies are catchier than any Ace Of Base song. Pavement has the lovable sloppiness of a garage band and yet their playing always displays a subtle tunefulness. Simply put, Pavement plays unusual but invigorating rock ‘n’ roll.

[Just to reiterate: 16-year-old me IS comparing Pavement to Ace Of Base.]

Lead singer/guitarist and principal songwriter Stephen Malkmus’ lyrics are also a point of interest. On Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, Malkmus proves himself to be a witty, insightful writer.

“Cut You Hair,” one of Crooked Rain’s standout tracks, is a perfect example. The song is about the current popularity of alternative music. Malkmus attacks alternative sellouts when he sings, “Songs mean a lot / when songs are bought / and so are you.”

On songs like “Range Life,” Malkmus also shows that he isn’t afraid to give his opinion or stir up bad blood. He knocks the Stone Temple Pilots, calling them “elegant bachelors” and asks in hilarious deadpan, “Are they foxy to you?” Smashing Pumpkins are also put down as Malkmus claims he doesn’t understand what they mean, and doesn’t care either.

[This is like reading an eyewitness account of the Lincoln assassination.]

Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain is one of the best albums to be released this year. It’s unique, gutsy, and powerful music. An interesting thing to note about the album is its label, Matador Records. This label seems to be becoming the sub-pop [sic] of the ’90s, with talent including Pavement, Liz Phair, and Superchunk. If Matador keeps putting its label on great records like Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, then it will surely be an indie label to be reckoned with.

[A quick note about these reviews: I didn’t have a computer in high school, so I wrote out my columns in long hand on notebook paper and then slipped them into the door slot at the newspaper office. Just typing that previous sentence makes me feel like I’m 95 years old but it’s true — the process was really that old-timey! Anyway, I’m guessing Sub Pop being printed as “sub-pop” was partly due to my poor handwriting, and partly due to the copy editor assuming I was referring to music “below” pop music rather than a record label.]