Album Reviews I Wrote As A Teenager: Aerosmith's "Get A Grip"

I was living on the edge in high school ... crazy if you will ... it was amazing

When I was 15, I started writing a biweekly column for my local newspaper, the Appleton Post-Crescent. Most of the time, I wrote album reviews. I saved many of them in a blue binder I now keep in my office. I am now sharing them with you. Here is my review of Aerosmith’s Get A Grip, from Oct. 13, 1993, published when I was 16 (with occasional commentary by present-day me.)

Rock ‘n’ roll rule number 73: Any album that adorns its cover with a pierced cow udder already has two strikes against it.

[The primary point of sharing these old reviews is that my old writing is pretty bad and it’s funny to revisit it. HOWEVER there are times when I think my old writing is actually pretty damn good. And this is one of those times. I stand behind this lede 29 years later!]

Need justification for this rule? Look no further than Get A Grip, Aerosmith’s new album.

Aerosmith is one of the great party bands. They built their reputation as a raunchy guitar-based band, singing songs about girls, sex, and love in an elevator. Aerosmith’s long list of fans, the people who have fallen in love with Joe Perry’s splattering guitar and Steven Tylor’s tales of young lust, should expect to find the same on Get A Grip.

[I wonder how familiar I was with Toys In The Attic and Rocks — two albums I absolutely adore now — at the time. Based on the previous paragraph I’m guessing “not very.” Most of my Aerosmith knowledge surely derived from their previous two records, 1987’s Permanent Vacation and 1989’s Pump. The latter is a record I still love. By the way, lest we forget, the cover of Pump features a black and white photo of two trucks fucking. I doubt 16-year-old me could cite a “rock ‘n’ roll rule” about that genre of album cover.]

And that’s part of the problem. Aerosmith has nothing new to say. Aerosmith became kings of the hard rock hill with these types of songs in the ’70s, but then they didn’t sound like a bunch of old fogies trying to be bad.

[I am currently the same age as Steven Tyler when Get A Grip was released.]

Instead of all the horny teenager songs, Aerosmith could have extended what they started with their last album, Pump. Sure that album had its share of lurid material, but it also showed that Aerosmith could play songs of substance if they wanted to (“Janie’s Got A Gun”).

[16-year-old me wanted Aerosmith to “play songs of substance.”]

Of course, none of this would be a problem if the songs on Get A Grip were neat and nasty. But they are not.

[Fair criticism.]

Get A Grip gets started with a crowd-pleaser called “Eat The Rich.” The song isn’t bad, but it is not a great way to open the album. The record actually drags a bit through the first few songs.

[Fair criticism.]

Things begin to turn around a little with “Livin’ On The Edge,” the album’s first single. Events begin to look even better with a churning rocker called “Walk On Down,” which features a vocal by Perry. Get A Grip even shows signs of a comeback with the power ballad “Cryin.’” The lovesick tune is one of the best Aerosmith songs in years.

After “Cryin’” though, Get A Grip soon begins to drag again. Much like the songs that open the album, the closing tunes sound too much like the second-rate heavy metal that bands like Poison aspire to.

[Referencing Poison in a review in 1993 is the modern day “referencing Nickelback and/or Imagine Dragons” equivalent.]

After this album, maybe Aerosmith should stop trying to “Get A Grip” and just get a life instead.

[I went full Gene Shalit on this kicker! Get their asses, 16-year-old me!]

Grade: C-